im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
