So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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