I love black thongs
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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