there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He passed out mid-signature
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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