I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
