Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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