So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
