I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
