I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
