I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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