it glows. i had to have it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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