he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
