im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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