How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
