i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize