never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
