The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
