When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
