woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
