did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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