I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
