And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
