He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
