Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
