went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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