You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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