Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
worst night to have a conscience
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
