there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
