My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
