haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
