i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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