fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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