so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
