i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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