this beer tastes like vomit already
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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