I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
