I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this beer tastes like vomit already
He had one of those small greek statue penises
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
