I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
