8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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