Quick, to the slutcave!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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