I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
