I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
