she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
