Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
