id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
