A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
