Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
