Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
