My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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