Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
